TV INTERVIEW: RICK SHAPIRO

Swimming Hard to Stay Afloat in a Fast-Running Flow of Consciousness

By: Team Buzzine

August 17, 2011

Rick Shapiro is an enigma, in the sense that you may not always know exactly what is going on, but you are never in any doubt that it is something interesting, even if you feel as if you haven’t quite caught up to it yet. Rick has brought that sense and sensibility to TV (Lucky Louie/Louie, Law & Order), video games (an amazing performance as radio show guest inside of the world of Grand Theft Auto) and soon into print, when his amazing life story is published by Random House later this year. Shapiro has received rave reviews from live appearances across America and at comedy festivals around the world from Montreal to Edinburgh and back again. His latest achievement: reducing Buzzine’s Nicole Rayburn to near-speechless awe at The Vanguard in Hollywood, California shortly before his appearance on The Green Room with Paul Provenza.

Nicole Rayburn: Well, the knee thing is new. We’re rubbin’. We’re rubbing knees instead of elbows…

Rick Shapiro: But I’m needy and intense, so we’re attached now.

NR: All right, cool, I ain’t mad…

RS: I ain’t mad. [Laughs] I’m gonna use that one. Final word. I ain’t mad. You know something else is going on….Aaah, a wedding ring…

NR: Yes. Sorry, does that change everything?

RS: No, that’s good. Don’t get me wrong. I’m the same as I was before I saw it. I’m good. Oooh, I hear some Satiristas are gonna be here. It’s crazy. Should be intelligent, what’s going on. Is there a dearth of ideas, or ideas pulsating and writhing, undulating? Undulating ideas… …I’m good with questions.

NR: Okay, good but I was just gonna let you go because that was entertaining all the way.... Did you see the first season of The Green Room before agreeing to appear here on the second?

RS: No…

NR: So this is all new to you?

RS: I just know Paul. I love Provenza and Margaret Cho and Janeane. I like all this stuff, but sometimes I think I’m an outsider. Cut that. I’m an insider. I’m big in the game. I’ve got a Jewish Mercedes. That’s just a joke because I’m Jewish and we have a Mercedes. It’s not an actual Mercedes, but if anyone asks, you could say, if anyone asks. Yeah, so yeah. I think what Paul is doing is amazing.

NR: Listen, I feel tonight like I’m a 12-year-old: Not really; I’m a little older, but the point is, there seems to be a lot of history between a lot of the comics here tonight?

RS: …12-year-old? Because I had sex with a 12-year-old, but I was 12 at the time. Watch your mind. It wasn’t sex-sex.

NR: Kind of. Not really.

RS: It was kind of not really stuff. You thought of that. Forget that we got inspired with each other.

NR: You’ve got me flustered. You’ve got me forgetting where to put the mic when you’re talking right now.

RS: I made you forget all that? That means now I’m in charge, because before that, you knew exactly what to do. So if we were in bed, I’d be in charge at this point. I’d be like, okay I’d better know what I’m doing. Everything worked up until now. Sometimes I kick back with a woman of experience. But I didn’t know the camera was right there. I like to play dumb. I know exactly what’s going on. You have beautiful hair. Does your husband appreciate it, or does he take it for granted?

NR: Thank you. I think he’s pretty happy about it. I think he appreciates it.

RS: Yeah, he does. I can see it in your eyes. I can see him going like, “Ah, seven poems. Get me a pen.” Oh, look at me again. That glance. No, not that one. The other glance. Oh, not those eight glances, but he missed those seven glances. The nuances, the girl moments. But he held on to the big one.

NR: I’ll tell you a secret: he’s a comic, so he kind of has some of those girl moments.

RS: I hope he’s an open-mic-er. I hope he’s like a fringe avant garde guy with sweaty black t-shirt and a big white neck hanging, and the audience is laughing at his neck and not even at him, and he doesn’t even know it for years and years.

And you try to tell him and he doesn’t listen, and it’s a rainy night and he’s driving, and he realizes…he hears you echo in his head. “It was your neck, it was your neck,” and he knows what you meant, and he goes, “It was my neck, those sons of bitches. God, why did you put me in this position?” And he hits a brick wall. He goes, “Wait a minute. I don’t believe in God. Oh, I’m just a man alone. All right.”

And he misses the brick wall. Then he calls friends. He’s like, “If I’m really alone, then I need you more than ever.” Do you know what I’m saying? It’s what a priest said to a kid. Wouldn’t that be funny if a priest says that, and then they actually quote him and he’s like, “If I’m really alone, then I need you more than ever,” because they do say absurd things.

A priest told a kid, “And it says here in The Bible, ‘The Lord doesn’t like tattle-tales.’” So which is more ridiculous? That’s what the priest said. They mix up words. Like, “My kid got me in a lot of trouble, you understand? A lot of f***in’ trouble. And my kid dressed like a priest and fooled me. I’m not even gonna go into what happened, but I was ostracized, just because I was dressed like a kid. [Laughs] A kid.”

NR: Wow.

RS: I’m just wakin’ up, motherf***ers. Ask me this Buzzine – is that a stripper name? Her best move is flickin’ a pad and saying that’s my interview. She goes, “That’s my interview, right here. Oh, have you read Buzzine Magazine? Would you remove a pasty when you do that, or would you move it over a bit? I don’t know. Although she’d point to herself wearing the pasties...

See that? That’s me interviewing me doing my darkest hour… That’s my stripper name: Darkest Hour. Her best move is… deciding not to. Her best move is aaahhh… Her vagina is a stretch of dark highways, because when a man has sex with her, he always feels like he’s leaving town.

NR: [Whispers] pssst Rick: I have a question.

RS: Oh, he just went into his own… That was nice of you. That was nice.

NR: [Laughs] I have a question. Is that how it works in there? It just keeps going… It doesn’t stop?!!

RS: Well, because you guys are cool. Yeah it does. I have all day and night. Out there, it will probably be like, “Well, I smoke pot and I ventured into some crazy arenas…”

NR: Is this what we can expect in the conversation downstairs on the show? With Paul and the group?

RS: I hope so, but I haven’t been in these arenas where there are four guys sitting around, and three of them have suits on or something. The other guys are kind of jock-ey. I don’t hang around with jocks too much. Tommy Chong I get. The other guys are great. Everyone is great, man. I just moved to LA. I live on everyone’s great street… Wow, you’re so beautiful.

NR: Did you forget I was here? [Laughs]

RS: Yeah, which is weird because that means you’re beautiful and a genius listener. Listening is like a pulsating existence, but a lot of people don’t know that. They go [pause] and they wait; they’re ready to jump in. You’re really good.

NR: I’m paying attention. I’m totally paying attention. [Laughs]

RS: And you’re genuine as hell because you could be…when this is done, you slap the mic down and you go, “Oh god, you do it this time. Just make like you’re listenin’. Put on the fake contacts, make like you’re listenin’.” [Laughs]

NR: Wow! Okay, I’m gonna stop for a moment. [Whispers] You are fascinating.

RS: Ah, that’s nice. Can you say that on camera?

NR: Sure, we are on camera. [Whispers] You’re fascinating. I just am just like… in awe. I’m in awe of you.

RS: Wow. I’m getting there too then. That’s nice. And the reason why I wanted you to say it into the mic is because usually they give compliments quietly, and the people who dislike something will do the disliking loud. Like, “Well I don’t really…” So I always like it when someone says something nice out loud.

NR: [Loudly] Rick Shapiro is amazing.

RS: Well that’s nice. Thanks a lot.

The second season of ‘The Green Room with Paul Provenza’ premieres new episodes on Showtime every Thursday night at 11:00 p.m. ET/PT beginning July 14, 2011.